May 2012
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“Mitt, he’s gonna be our nominee. We’re gonna be behind him. God help...”
– Rick Perry.
Because God is totally running elections.
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WatchThe “big stick” comment is funny even in context!
April 2012
11 posts
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Newt Can't Catch A Break
I’m not even sure Newt is still campaigning, but if he is, he’s doing it wrong.
Newt took two hours of his schedule to schmooze at the St. Louis Zoo.
The candidate for the Republican presidential nomination sustained a small injury during a visit to the St. Louis Zoo on Friday, where he was getting a two-hour private tour. A Magellanic penguin nipped Gingrich’s finger, but the...
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Ann Romney Speaks Dog
ANN ROMNEY: Once, he– we traveled all the time and he– he ate the turkey on the counter. I mean, he had the runs. But– he would see that crate and, you know, he would, like, go crazy because he was going with us on vacation. It was to me a kinder thing to bring him along than to leave him in the kennel for t– in– in– in a kennel for two weeks, so.
I’m not sure how she knows that a dog...
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“Five boys is a handful, trust me. Raising George Walker was not easy.”
– Barbara Bush.
L-O-V-E her!
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Let's Take A Ride On The Crazy Train
Apparently, Rep. Allen West is the captain on the crazy train. Not only does he think the President of the United States is scared of him (um, he has Joe Biden’s teeth and a fleet of Secret Service agents - pretty sure he’s NOT scared of anyone), but he also made this crazy claim:
He later said “he’s heard” up to 80 U.S. House Democrats are Communist Party members,...
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Oh, Sure - It's The Phone's Fault
I love when old guys in politics think they’re being hip (their word, not mine) by getting on Twitter and cranking out posts in 140 characters or less. I do not love when they blame the technology for their mistakes.
“I don’t use a computer. I rely on my Blackberry and now my iPhone for everything I need. The iPhone has been a little bit of a learning curve, but I’m starting to get the...
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War On Women?
Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus was on a rhetorical roll Thursday. In an interview with Bloomberg TV set to air this weekend, Priebus said the so-called “war on women” is a Democratic fabrication perpetuated by the media, as frivolous as a “war on caterpillars.”
RIIIIIGHT.
Then why is the GOP all up in my uterus and how I use it?
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March 2012
13 posts
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Rick Santorum's Latest Enemy: PINK BALLS
It’s true.
“friends don’t let friends use pink balls.”
He’s talking about bowling balls (I think).
It’s like this guy has never Googled his name.
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“So every time they would start playing ‘On Wisconsin, on Wisconsin,’ my dad’s...”
– For some reason, Mitt Romney finds that whole story about his dad putting people out of work to be hilarious.
Oh, rich people!
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Mitt Romney Is SO Like Main Street
If Main Street is a place much like Boardwalk on Monopoly.
At Mitt Romney’s proposed California beach house, the cars will have their own separate elevator.
There’s also a planned outdoor shower and a 3,600-square foot basement — a room with more floor space than the existing home’s entire living quarters.
So, think about that when you see Mitt in his dad jeans telling folks he totally relates...
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“I like Mitt Romney as much as one really good looking man can like another...”
– Rick Perry - not helping quash those rumors.
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“It’s almost like an Etch A Sketch. You can kind of shake it up and restart all...”
– Mitt Romney aide Eric Fehrnstrom explaining how his candidate will appeal to voters in the general election.
SHAKEN, NOT STIRRED!
“Callista Gingrich. Karen Santorum. Ann Romney. Now do you really think our...”
– Um, not cool, Robert DeNiro.
Not.
Cool.
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“Congress in its wisdom understood that hard-core pornography is very damaging...”
– Rick Santorum, acting like he’s never Googled himself. You know, on a computer. Using the internet.
SO happy these GOP candidates are being focused on the issues voters desperately want addressed.
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“If I’m a weak frontrunner, what does that make Newt Gingrich?”
– Mitt Romney who points out that even though people don’t like him, he’s still out-performing the other GOP candidates.
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“It isn’t far-fetched to think that the President of the United States could say,...”
– Michele Bachmann has the kind of imagination I have when I take too much NyQuil.
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February 2012
14 posts
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Mitt Romney - Just Like Us!
So, the guy who opposed the auto bailouts and today is trying to win the votes of people who benefited from those jobs staying in Michgan still seems out of touch with the regular folk.
Asked by the AP reporter if he follows NASCAR, Romney responded, “Not as closely as some of the most ardent fans. But I have some great friends who are NASCAR team owners.”
He can wear dad jeans all...
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“62 percent of kids who enter college with some sort of faith commitment leave...”
– Rick Santorum’s crazy talk.
PS - It’s not true.
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“But then I thought to myself, you’re not that important, who would set you...”
– Gerardo Hernandez, a candidate for mayor in a small New Mexico town.
BTW - he was caught on camera getting a lap dance in his office. So, yeah, I’m certain he was set up and not just trying to pass the time between campaign events.
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WatchSo, we haven’t learned our lesson about the rhetoric?
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“Apparently, former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum is the best possible...”
– Dave Mustaine?
I’m holding out for the Lady Gaga endorsement. That’s the one that REALLY matters!
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“I think that could be a very compromising situation, where people naturally may...”
– If I’m reading this correctly, Rick Santorum is afraid of menstruating women.
Um, Rick, I’m pretty sure the terrorists can’t sense that in the same way sharks do.
Keep being awesome at courting lady voters - if their lady bits don’t scare you too much.
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Mississippi Has No Sense of Humor
When Mississippi State Rep. Steve Holland said he wanted to rename the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America, I was all “What the crazy?” until I saw that he sponsored the bill as a joke.
Turns out, the people who would rather attack illegal immigrants didn’t laugh.
“Apparently you don’t take your responsibilities seriously,’’ wrote Bob Quasius, president of the GOP group....
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January 2012
35 posts
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“I accept the charge that I am grandiose because Americans are instinctively...”
– Newt Gingrich on his plans to put a base on the moon by the end of his first term. Because NASA is fully equipped to do that in four years.
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“might have tacos when I go home.”
– East Haven, Connecticut Mayor Joseph Maturo on what he’d do to help out the Latino community.
Nice.
Also racist.
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“She lives in a San Francisco environment of very strange fantasies and very...”
– Newt Gingrich.
I wonder if he speaks of all women like this or just women in power?
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WatchIt was just a glitter bomb. No need to get shovey!
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